Reviews

We don't have any. Not few — none.

This page will eventually have reviews on it. Today it doesn't, because we haven't had enough customers to ask. We'd rather show you an empty page than a full one we paid for.

Why we're telling you instead of hiding the page

The reviews you've been reading on other sites in this category cost about forty cents each. Once you know that, a wall of five stars stops being evidence and starts being a purchase decision someone else made for you.

So we're in an awkward position: the honest thing and the thing that sells are not the same thing here, and we've picked the honest one. It's the same reason we tell you the study behind these products was subjective rather than physiological, and that the first two minutes on the mat are genuinely sharp.

What goes here when it exists

Reviews from people who bought something. Unedited, including the unflattering ones — and there will be unflattering ones, because night one on an acupressure mat is not a pleasant experience for everyone and we'd be lying if we implied otherwise.

No incentives, no gift cards for five stars, no filtering out the twos and threes.

What you get instead, in the meantime

Sixty nights to decide for yourself, starting the day it arrives rather than the day you order. One price — $79, which it has always been, with no “was” to strike through and no clock counting down. An email address that reaches a person who answers within one business day: hi@lumiereluxe.com.au. Shipped from Queensland.

And ninety seconds, on your own floor, to find out whether any of this was true.

Lumiere Luxe products are drug-free comfort tools, not medical devices, and are not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any condition. If you're struggling, Lifeline Australia is on 13 11 14, any time.